Trickling Sand

Back in 2018, Renee and I started a family ritual of taking turns to go on 1-on-1 dates with each of the kids. I wrote about this briefly in my 2019 review post. We have continued this family ritual and only wish we have more consistency in it. At times, we would do this a few times a month and then there might be stretches of months where we don’t. It all comes down to how busy we are with their extracurricular activities and our own commitments.

In writing this post, I decided to interview the kids and see what they think about the dates. Here’s what they said.

Adele: I think they’re nice because it gives me quality time to spend with my parents.
Athan: I like them, but as constructive feedback, I don’t like how the dates are unplanned and just spontaneous, like we need to go shopping and that’s a date.
Audrey: I like going to the dessert places, like D-Spot and it was fun watching a movie with Mommy.
Anne: I like it because I get to go to special places with mom or dad. It’s like Father’s Day or Mother’s Day, except it’s just us. The best memory was that I went to Chocolate Lounge with you, and I bought a stuffie with Mom.
Amelia: I like going on dates and I like having dessert with Mommy.
Andrea: (I like going on dates) because I love you and Mommy.

I also asked Renee on what her thoughts were. She said, “Lots of desserts! For future dates, I’d like to do something more adventurous and fun, like going go-carting or fishing.”

It appears that we all enjoy them, but from Renee and Athan’s comments, I think one thing we can do better is to actually treat it like a special date, where it’s not just doing whatever is easiest (e.g. going to the dessert place around the corner).

Time Spent with Kids

I recently came across an X post below and it hit me like a Mack truck, “75% of the time you spend with your child will be before they turn 12”. Athan is 12 now and it means I have already spent 75% of our time together. It is very true. Adele is 15 and just finished grade 9. After she comes home from school, she immediately disappears into her room and emerges only at dinnertime, and disappears again until the following morning.

In a few years, the kids will start going to university. If I’m lucky, they will stay home and I will still get to see them during dinnertime. If they move away for university, then I will see them once a week or so, at dinnertime on Saturdays and Sundays. 😂

So, what to do? Honestly, I don’t know, other than to be very conscious and intentional of the time we do have together. I once heard that if one wants to see what a person’s priorities are, one simply has to look at their calendar. I have to keep reminding myself to keep doing these dates, travel to new places with them, talk to them, learn from them, create memories with them, and just cherish them.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12